A Life Crisis: What to Ask Before Changing Everything

By Dmitry Matveev · Founder & Lead Guide, MycoSpirit

Sell the company. Move somewhere else. End the relationship. Start again.

When life becomes difficult to tolerate, a dramatic change can look like the only door in the room. Sometimes an important external change really is needed. But before deciding what to dismantle, ask what you want the change to accomplish.

In a life crisis, a useful first step is to separate your circumstances, your immediate state, and the patterns you bring to decisions. These can affect each other without being the same problem.

What exactly has stopped working?

“The whole thing is wrong” may describe how life feels. It does not yet tell you what needs attention.

Perhaps your workload is unmanageable. Perhaps the business no longer interests you. Perhaps you feel unable to disappoint anyone. Perhaps there is a specific relationship conflict that has gone unspoken for months.

Those are different starting points.

Name the practical situation first. What happens during an ordinary day? When does the pressure rise? What are you doing, postponing, or agreeing to at that moment?

Give the problem an address. Otherwise, every part of your life can start looking guilty.

Ask what the new life is supposed to provide

Here is a question from my talks that I consider especially important: do I want this particular change, or do I urgently want to stop feeling the way I feel now?

You may want both. The distinction still helps.

If you want to relocate, what attracts you to the actual place? Consider its daily life, work requirements, distance from people you value, and practical limits. If all you can describe is how wonderful it will feel to be gone, there is more to investigate.

The same applies to a new project. Are you interested in the work itself? Or does beginning something offer temporary relief from an unresolved situation?

A clear answer may strengthen your decision to move. It may also reveal a smaller change that addresses the real issue.

Your familiar habits travel with you

You can change countries and continue checking your phone every ten minutes. You can leave one company and build another that demands the same constant availability. You can enter a new relationship while avoiding the same conversations.

In my language, the inner architecture travels with you: your expectations, learned responses, and ideas about what you must do to remain safe or valuable.

That does not mean your environment is irrelevant. An unhealthy workplace or relationship can genuinely harm you. It means an external change and an internal change may both deserve attention.

Ask which part of the problem belongs to the current arrangement and which part has appeared in several different arrangements.

Sort your options before choosing one

Make three lists: keep, change, and investigate.

Under keep, write what still matters to you. It could be your team, your relationship, a particular kind of work, or a place where you feel at home.

Under change, name concrete conditions that are no longer acceptable. Too many working hours. An undefined role. A commitment you can no longer fulfil honestly.

Under investigate, put the questions you cannot yet answer. Do you want a different career, or a different relationship with the current one? Do you need solitude, support, rest, treatment, or a conversation you have been avoiding?

You do not need a complete philosophy of your future to make this list. You need enough clarity to choose the next useful action.

Prefer a test where a test is possible

Some decisions can be explored before they become permanent. You might delegate a responsibility, negotiate a different schedule, or spend time understanding another line of work before closing the current one.

A test should answer a question. If you reduce your workload, does interest return? If a responsibility is shared, does the relationship feel different? If you stop one activity, what do you actually miss?

Avoid turning the test into another performance. You are gathering information about how you want to live.

This approach does not apply to every situation. If you are in immediate danger, protection and appropriate outside help take priority over gradual experimentation.

Bring another perspective into the room

A trusted person may notice that you have been exhausted for months. A therapist may help you examine recurring responses. A relevant adviser may help you understand the practical consequences of a decision.

Choose support that helps you think, rather than someone who immediately promises to explain your entire life. You should have room to disagree, ask questions, and take time.

If your distress is persistent, overwhelming, or affecting your ability to function, seek qualified healthcare support. A life question and a health concern can exist together.

You can change without destroying everything

There may be things you have outgrown. There may also be things worth keeping once you stop relating to them through the same old pressure.

The aim is to make a decision you can describe clearly: this is what I want to change, this is why, and this is what I understand about the consequences.

If you are considering a retreat as part of that reflection, review MycoSpirit's programme and suitability process. Bring the questions that remain open. A retreat should not make the decision for you.